Friday, September 01, 2006

Now with all the time in the world, I would love to present a story…

The diary of a teenaged girl (what is in italic is written in the diary)

-applause-

Once upon a time, Star had dreams. Or was that time so long ago? When the time when the horizon was endless, the world was was, hers and the stars were within her grasp. When was the whole universe for Star’s taking?

“The ‘grown-ups’ response, this time, was to advice me to lay aside the drawings of my dear boa constrictors, whether from the inside or the outside and devote myself to English, math and the sciences instead. That is why, at the age of six, I gave up what might have been a magnificent career as a painter. Grown-ups never understand things b themselves, and it is tiresome for the younger ones to be always and forever explaining things to them”-----The Little Prince

Was she changed, disheartened too? Had the star of long ago disappeared? Next to her, fragments of the topics her girlfriends discussed drifted by.

“Nicole is going out with Sean now you know…”

“She is really heartbroken, she really loved him…”

“I’m totally in love with him, he’s so handsome, he’s so kind…”

“Eh, tell us who you like now…”

Star tried to pretend she was not listening while she thought about what she had said online, on a diary written by one of her classmates. The girl had fallen in love with a boy, but the boy did not love her. The girl was heartbroken because one had loved her too much… and the other loved her too little.

“If someone loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars,it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars”

“But if the sheep eats the flower, in one moment all his stars will be darkened”

Was the love really that important, did it affect life that much? Was it truly a most wonderful, blissful feeling ever, or was it the most heart-wrenching pain one would ever experience? Was she missing out on something when she protected herself, refusing to grow out of her shell, to experience love?

Was she still naïve, even if she admitted to herself-purposely? Was she wrong if she could not understand why girls break their hearts over a thoughtlessly cruel boy? That was what she could see now.

She protected herself by refusing to reveal her innermost thoughts. Those she kept safe, perfectly well in her heart. She did not feel weighed down. They had become part of her perfect mask. They had become the façade that was star. But the fears of her real self being discovered lurked murkily below the surface.

But was she insensitive when she could not empathize with her heartbroken friends just recovering from a failed relationship? What if they thought she deserved it? But what if the person was a very good friend? There was one time she felt awkward and blundering. She did not know how to reach her friend, where she could overtake him and go hand in hand with him once again. It was sure a secret place, a land of tears.

Her face was blank. A perfect mask…

*****

She looked at her watch. I was almost time for her school to end. To kill time, she started to read a book that her friend lent her.

She thought about what the book had said. Were there really cliques at her school? No, not really, there was not much discrimination. The popular girls had to be nice to everyone to become popular. But what the author said about the popular girls being sent ahead as scouts to look at the unseen territory, namely relationships, that needed thinking over.

She was one of the more athletic girls in class. Yet there was this group pressure to be more… feminine. She was not pretty, and there seemed to be an unofficial contest going on to see who can attract the boys’ attention the most.

She was not very popular; she had a strong sense of humour that other did not really understand. She knew what kind of people she liked, and she knew that she was too direct for most.

She had read tones of books, but had never read a love letter. She socialized with adults. But she never knew how to talk properly to girls or boys of her own age. In fact, she was far beyond her age.

She was just quiet, plain, Star.

“Oh! I understand you very well,”said the little prince. “But why do we always speak in riddles?”
“I solve them all,” said the snake.
And they were both silent. ---The Little Prince.

*****
She walked back home, alone. The rest of the afternoon was spent in thoughtful contemplation. Somehow, she knew that the teenage years were often years of puzzles, of troubled feelings and temptations. She felt strangely close, yet detached from her situation.

There were times when all that mattered was her studies, her room, and her own private world, where she totally be at peace.
And yet there were times when her relations with her friends and schoolmates troubled her,when her feelings about boys took over her mind.
The sky was now completely dark, a vast expanse of black velvet space. Then, slowly, the stars appeared, faintly, slowly, illuminating the sky bit by bit. A meteor streaked across, leaving a silvery trail behind.

And the girl smiled. A star, just like her… a Star.

What I see here is nothing but a shell. What is most important is invisible.

p.s.: Once again, I say, I do not personally feel this way. It is just a story.
And this is how I guess teenagers feel.

COLORFULLY mess!